I have this feeling that I don’t… mesh with society. I have done a great job disguising it as if I do, however. I have a great circle of friends, a decent job, and a loving family. Unbeknownst to them, it’s all a facade. I have a very difficult time dealing with everything; I have all this anger welled up inside of me directed at the world. I’m mad at the imperfections, the unanswered questions, the stupidity, the greed, and just in general how the world operates.
I don’t see how I fit into the picture that is society. Although I may be able to fake it, I have no desire to. I just don’t “get” it. I don’t get why people operate the way they do. To me it seems as if all their actions are very short sighted; they have no concept of a larger picture. They all seem wrapped up in this part of life that doesn’t matter at all.
Although this may seem comical to many, I had a revelation about myself while watching the movie Office Space. It’s the part where Lawrence and Peter are talking about what they would do if they had a million dollars. Lawrence decides he would like to do two chicks at the same time. Peter however comes to the conclusion that he would do nothing.
And that’s when I realized that I too would like to do nothing. Everyone is indoctrinated into having this belief that we need a purpose in life. Why? How can you argue that your life needs a purpose if life in general doesn’t even have a purpose? For the record, I’m jubilant that I exist and that existing is even possible, but I don’t believe that it has any purpose. I believe it just… is.
I don’t want to live my life operating under the pressures of society. I just want to live with no purpose, no goal, no end game in sight. I want to sit by myself with only my thoughts and just… exist. I don’t aspire to obtain any occult knowledge about the world nor do I believe that I ever will. I just want to experience, to live, and to be free of society and all that it entails. I want to sit on some tropical island and watch the sun rise and fall as I listen to the birds chirp and the waves roll up onto the beach.
I just want to be.
I guess there isn’t really a specific question I have. I was having trouble getting to sleep and needed to get these thoughts out. Does anyone else have thoughts that may parallel mine? Any thoughts in general? Also, I’m not exactly sure which category this fits in to, but I feel like Religion and Spirituality will suffice.